In The Summertime...

Welcome to Summer! Today, the Summer Solstice, Longest Day, is one of my very favorite days.  Why? Because startin tomorrow, the days grow shorter & shorter & shorter.  I much prefer the dark half of the year.  But not the cold.  Don't care for that part.  I just like for it to get dark earlier than it does In The Summertime, when the weather is hot.  Today, there will still be a tiny bit of daylight as late as 9:15pm.  It's annoying to me.  I'd love for it to go ahead & be dark by 7 or 8 at the very latest. 

So in honor of this super special loooooong day, here is a field of sunflowers we drive by on our way to see a client.  The Sunflower Farmers grow them every year for the Sunflower Oil. 

 
 

 

 

 

Wish the iPhone could do justice to this sea of sunflowers.  Ah well.

 

Anyway, Happy Summer Solstice y'all! 

Every Year Is Getting Shorter....

Yep.  Yesterday was my birthday.  I typically like to do a post ON the actual birthday, but yeah...was a busy day & time got away from me. Never seem to find the time. We were just too busy havin a fun day together, O & I.  And since my birthday fell right smack in the middle of the week this year, I simply must celebrate all week.  It's a rule, ya know?



First we worked.  Then we played.  I turned 44 & had a
pretty fun day.  We went to our favorite Mexican food place & had the best fajitas EVER.  AND it was "Half Price Fajita Wednesday", so we got the big giant order & brought plenty home. 

And O took pictures of me bein silly in the mall.

Here is a picture of me bein silly with Geoff Peterson. 

 

Apparently he moonlights at Dillard's cause Craig doesn't pay him much! LOL! 

Josh Robert Thompson is the Voice of Geoff Peterson on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson

My original title for this post was "What A Drag It Is Getting Old"...but then I scratched it.  I totally used to feel that way on my birthday.  But not anymore.  Haven't felt like that since 2009.  Now I hope to be lucky enough to get old.  Ya know? All in all, we had a very fun day. 



We Love Dirty Laundry!

Here it is!! The post you've all been waiting for!!

My dirty laundry, posted on the internet!!!!

Ha ha ha haaaaaa!!!!!!! Sorry, I couldn't resist. ;)

Ok, so, I've said it many times before. Not everything makes it into the blog. Especially the airing of "dirty laundry". I'm just not one of these who's gonna go online & post stuff like "My cheatin, lyin husband is a SOB & if you stay on his Friends List, I'm gonna DELETE YOU!", & the like. We've all seen this stuff, right? (And NO, O is not lyin, nor cheatin. Just an example LOL!). Sure, if I did post about certain stuff, no doubt the blog would be much more interesting, but there are just certain things that I prefer remain between me, O & our families. Things that are just for us. Know what I mean?

That being said....I must apologize for the lack of posts lately. I don't think a month has ever gone by between posts before. Hope nobody thought the worst bout what might be goin on with me cancer-wise. No...it's just a super crazy busy time of year. Coupled with being right in the middle of the 6 month cancer checks...there's just been either nothin to talk about, or no time to talk about stuff that I do wanna talk about.

There are several things to talk about, so there will be several posts come out this month, (I hope! lol!) but I'll try not to post too many too close together & stuff.

Anyway, just a quicky to let y'all know I'm still good, & thanks for stickin with me. Will be bloggin bout birthdays, D-Days, & 4 years that NED's been my BFF. And a few other things.

Yay!

Can The Child Within My Heart Rise Above....

So how bout this? As y'all know, I've been tryin to determine if I have completed menopause.  I know 43 is kinda young for that, but chemo & Tamoxifen can make it happen, & the docs have all suspected I was going through it over the last couple of years.  Anyway, so they've been running blood work, watching the FSH numbers, which determine if you have or have not gone through the menopause.  Ok?  So, last year my numbers showed that I was post-menopause, but were in a range that left open the possibility of things reversing, or the ovaries waking up & all systems kicking back in.  It's what I was hoping for.  Really.  Kinda don't wanna be totally all through menopause by 44, ya know?  (Turning 44 in June.)

So I had my annual visit with the OB Dr D.  He ran the test.  Said he'd call me the next day with the results. And he did.  First thing in the mornin too.  I'm all sleepy & stuff when the phone rang.  Went somethin like:

Dr D:  I have the FSH Lab results back.
Me: Great...so......
Dr D:  Well, anything over a 23 is post menopausal. 
Me: 'kay...
Dr D: Most of my post menopause ladies' numbers run somewhere in the 70s.
Me: M'kay....& my numbers?
Dr D: Well, it's the highest FSH I've ever seen....128.
Me: Whuuuuuuuuut????????

Ok, now, I was sleepy at the time, & he could have said highest he's ever seen in my age range, but I'm pretty sure he said it was the highest number he's ever seen, although, after some research, it's not uncommon for post menopause numbers to be in the 100s. Ok fine.

Yeah.  So not only am I post menopausal, I'm waaaaaaaaaaay post menopausal. I guess.  Great.  And thanks to bc, I can't take hormone replacement therapy to feel "like myself" again.

* "Well, I've been afraid of changing, cause I've built my life around you..."

So, I guess my internal body is now similar to that of an old lady? I don't know. I really don't understand the significance of the FSH number.  Meanwhile, in my mind I'm still in my 20s...& married to a very young 40 something.  This can present a whole bunch of new hurdles....like we haven't jumped enough already. But really, I'm pretty sure O didn't sign up for an eternity of hanging out with a very immature young at heart, little old lady this early in his life. Ya know?

Same for others in my life...family, friends, people we work with....Not really gonna get specific here about the hurdles, just know that although I'm SO grateful for my (so far) survivorship, there are scary things about it too.

Apparently, since my hair is basically back to normal, I'm told I look pretty much the same as before the bc bs.  Which is good.  I think most can tell that aging scares the shit outta me...& I really fight the outward appearance of aging, tooth & fucking nail.  Vanity?  Maybe. (And no, I have not had any cosmetic procedures at all.)  Or maybe it's just that I wanna try to stay as young as I feel am in my mind. 

* "Time makes you bolder, children get older. I'm getting older, too."

So, so so so many things change as we get older...So many things I used to think & believe, I think & believe differently now.  Experience? Cancer survival? Aging? All of the above? Yes, yes, yes & yes.  I think.  And apparently having concrete proof that I've officially completed "the change" has def given me cause for pause. 
Men-o-pause.  Yay.  This could also explain the thinning skin (& more than just physical skin) & gray hair issues...& other stuff.

Anyway...very much thoughtful these days.  Especially after getting those test results.  

* "Can I sail through the changing ocean tides...Can I handle the seasons of my life?

I don't know, I don't know."

[*Landslide, Stevie Nicks]