I'm So Tired

 Exhausted.  Worn out.  

The 2020 Election is over after 3 1/2 long days of counting votes.  Joe Biden is the President-Elect.  I am relieved. Mr. Trump is going to continue to litigate his way to keeping the Presidency.  I don't believe it will work.  

He has released this statement:

Halloween 2020

Mr. President, do you really believe that all of the other GOP candidates who WON in this election, on the very SAME ballot, that their votes are invalid?  Do you really want to cast doubt on ALL of the winning GOP candidates in the various congressional & state elections?  Have you not even a shred of dignity you'd like to preserve?  Please, just wish the President-Elect congratulations and look forward to moving on.   

I look forward to finally being able to enjoy a little peace of mind.

I'm Empty And Aching...

 And I don't know why.  

When I look back on the holidays last year, there was so much hope.  So much promise for 2020.  We rang in the new year with so much excitement.

September 2020

Now look.  Just look.  This year has been one major shitshow.  It was bad enough to have a pandemic.  But to also have an election year go so scary, crazy badly.  And losing RBG.  Bless her.  I know she hung in there as long as she could.  

Did you watch that first debate between Trump and Biden?  I did.  What a shitshow.  By the end of it I felt physically exhaused and emotionally empty. 

Not gonna lie.  I.  Am.  Terrified.  The way this election is going and the way this new Supreme Court Justice is going to get super-duper fasttracked on the Court.

Regardless of which side you are on politically, if you have any, and I do mean ANY preexisting condition in your health, you should be, at the very least, mildly frightened too.  Whether or not you are insured through the Affordable Care Act, or privately, or through your place of employment, coverage for those preexisting conditons is very likely to go bye-bye.  (The only work around would be if you developed a condition while insured and remain insured with no lapse of coverage.)

If you've had a COVID-19 diagnosis, you now have a preexisting condition.

I remember being privately insured during an era when preexisting conditions were not covered.  Any and everything to do with my thyroid was completely my responsibility.  It was expensive and it was awful.  I have enjoyed having my thyroid meds covered and anything that may arise regarding my cancer will also be covered.  For now, at least.  

Scary, scary times these be.  What in the world has happened to our country?  I don't even recognize it anymore.  Where is logic?  Where is decorum?  I'm being told to prepare.  Be ready for civil war.  Civil unrest.  

I know Mr. Trump keeps preaching that he will keep coverage for preexisting conditions.  While he's actively engaged in a lawsuit, as you read these words, to completely overturn the Affordable Care Act?  Believe him?  I've got some real estate here in my bag.  

I just can't even with this guy.

October kicks off the holidy season for us.  We have already mailed in our Absentee Ballots.  We will find ways to entertain ourselves, socially distanced, of course.  We will go out and find beauty to look at. 

I will still be entertained by the simplest of things.  I will still enjoy taking photos of food and flowers.  I will still run outside and look at the moon, stars and planets.  

I've gone to look for America.

**EDIT** It is now being reported that the President & First Lady are now positive for COVID-19.  My immediate thought was that it's not even true.  That it's just another distraction tactic to get out of another debate and/or to garner sympathy votes.  Isn't that a sad state of affairs, when we don't believe our President?

**EDIT #2**  It is now being reported that the president has been taken to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center for treatment of COVID-19. 

If You Choose Not To Decide...

 You still have made a choice. 

Please, y'all.  We can't afford to sit this one out.  This election is very likely the most important one we've seen in this lifetime.  History has already been made with this election, and it's not even Election Day yet.  

So, please participate.  Please.

V O T E!

I Wear This ****ing Mask Because...

I didn't love my last haircut.  The stylist that did it is aware that I was, shall I say, less than happy.  My regular person wasn't available.  I was desperate.  My last haircut was near the end of January.  Had I known a pandemic was coming, I would have waited for my regular stylist.  Now, I'm growing out a cut that I don't love.  

Why?

June 2020

Because there's not enough mask wearing in my area.  Even though my salon has imposed some major COVID-19 restrictions and are wearing masks, I am still uncomfortable going inside anywhere for any extended period of time.  This includes nail salons, restaurants, grocery stores...  Pretty much anywhere I can't mask up and zip zap.  In and out.  

Anyway, people, please stop making mask wearing a political hot button.  I am SO tired of it.  I don't appreciate the major eye-rolling I get when a non mask wearing person sees me wearing one.  When they do that, they get the stink eye right back.  No, I don't glare at non mask wearers.  I just do my best to stay at least 6 feet away. 

But really people.  Wearing a mask shows that you care and respect your fellow human.  It's NOT an infringement on your rights.  It no more violates your rights than the requrement of wearing pants in public does.  Are you against seatbelts?  Are you against wearing a helmet on a motorcycle?  Why masks then?  

And now a rant.  To the person who wanted to stand way too close to my husband in a checkout line recently, ignoring the markers on the floor....  Imma need you to take 3 giant steps backward, so that you can get a good running start and take a giant leap into fucking yourself.  *ahem*

Sorry bout that.

I apologize if this offends you.  If so, you cannot handle me.  

Actually, no. I don't apologize.  Sorry not sorry. 

Just sayin'. 

Doesn't take a stable genius to figure this out. 

There's Somethin' Wrong With The World Today....

Random Flower for prettyness

OMG where do I start??  There are SO many things wrong with the world today.  This post will be mostly just to mark the times, for my fading memory.  Pretty sure it won't be a coherent, cohesive post at all.

June 2020

Pandemic and quarantine.

COVID-19 still going around. Some areas still increasing in case numbers.  Pretty much the whole country is open now.  

Mask wearing.  Apparently, the wearing of the mask indicates your political party in many cases.  Sorry, but that's just stupid.  Yes, I'm annoyed that I have to mask up if I need to run inside somewhere to get food or other necessary item.  Especially when I see most other customers are not wearing a mask.  

Social distancing must continue, unfortunately.  

George Floyd.  Maybe not a perfect person, but didn't deserve to die on the street like that.  

Protesting.  In the middle of a pandemic.

Violent protests with destruction and looting.

Peaceful protesters removed by force.  Disgusting.

Waiting and watching to see if these large groups of protesters cause a spike in the COVID-19 cases.

And it's an election year.  I voted in the Presidential Primary by mail.  And I will do it again in November if it's possible. 

So many more things.  I shudder to think of what July will bring.  

I. Am. Tired.  SO much fatigue.  News fatigue.  Quarantine fatigue.  

My fatigue is fatigued.  

This is 51

I turned 51 last week.  I stretched my comfort zone and got some Thai curbside take out.  We had some video visits with friends and family and I was even sung "Happy Birthday To You" twice.  Made me feel like I should be washing my hands lol!  Seriously, I am SO glad we have technology so that we can SEE each other and feel like we are spending time together.  It made me feel loved. 

Anyway, I have written, re-written, trashed and started over on this post so many times.  I just am not going be be able to articulate the way I'm thinking and feeling about everything that's going on.  It really does feel like we're livin' on the edge. 

So, I guess that's my ramblig musing for now.

With love,

~Chicken Little

From A Distance

Just a brief batch of fresh words during a very sad and scary time for us all.  Please, everyone, heed the advice and recommendations to stay at home if you possibly can.  

I hope all of you are well.  I will admit, I am scared.  I am hyper-aware of how I'm feeling, breathing, throat, lungs... Y'all know how I am.  I think there is still so much not known about this thing.

There are so many Social Distancing Guidelines and Shelter In Place Orders that I expect will continue longer than these initial orders.  I wonder how long before things will go back to normal.  If ever.  I've wondered this before, of course.  But this is not just me.  This is all of us.  

I just wanted to share some thoughts on how this COVID-19 is making me feel.  And I just wanted to tell y'all, friends and family near and far... I'm thinking about you and sending love to you all...

From a distance. 

Tybee Sunset - Kimberly Oliver - Copyright 2020©

Don't Stand So Close To Me

Please.

COVID-19.  Coronavirus.  Everyone has been asked to exercise social distancing.  We are going to do our best.  We've already shopped for groceries, refilled our prescriptions.  This is a frightening thing that is happening.  So many people refuse to believe this is real.  I'm seeing far too many political conspiracy theories all over social media. 

This isn't just the flu.  And many young and healthy people still feel that it's perfectly fine to congregate in large groups.  This makes things all the more unnerving.  Because young, healthy people are spreading this virus without knowing it.  Any asymptomatic carrier could.  They could spread it to someone with an underlying health condition, and that person could become severely ill, or even die.  Thankfully, many will recover.  Some will recover, but have lasting and devastating side effects.  But many will not.  That's just a fact.  It is now being reported that more younger people are showing more serious illness.  

(I have hypertension.  One of the first listed underlying health conditions that has caused severe illness in some who get infected by the virus.  I also take thyroid medication.  Not sure my cancer treatment would even play a role, at 11 years out.  But I don't really know for sure.)

So, social distancing / self quarantine for us...  O and I have been together 23 years, and have worked together for 20 of those years, and a significant part of the work we've done and still do is done at home.  It's like we're already used to it.  I feel very lucky and so thankful that, even with all those years of so much togetherness, we still enjoy each other's company.  If I MUST be quarantined, I am glad it's with him.  However, our Anniversary next week will not involve the typical nice dinner and drinks out in a nice, fun restaurant.  And O's birthday the week after that, will very likely be different too.  And it's ok.  We do what we must to help bring this to an end and protect ourselves and others.

It's not fake news.  It's not an attempt to undermine the government or to have an effect on any political party.  This virus is very real and can be deadly.  It does not discriminate.  It doesn't give a shit which political party you belong to.  And our healthcare system is simply not equipped to handle what I fear will be happening in our hospitals in the very near future.  The confirmed cases are growing exponentially.  As of right now, there are over 8,500 confirmed cases in the US right now.  There were less than 100 at the end of February. 

Stay home.  Cover your cough and sneezes.  Wash your hands.  

I have started and deleted this post so many times.  Every facet of this thing feels like opening a big ol can of worms, inviting debate, and I can't cover all sides of every impact.  I simply am affected by it and scared of it. It is unprecedented, and I want to have a post on my blog about it.  

Let's all do our best to stay home.  Just stay home.  Yes, some can't work from home.  I am grateful to those who must continue to work and hope they are able to protect themselves from those of us who must come to their store or business for food and other needed things.  And of course our healthcare professionals and emergency responders on the front line of this thing, ready to care of us.  I also worry about the impact on our economy and all of those who will surely be out of work and those who may lose jobs and the businesses that are in jeopardy of having to close.  The whole thing is just bad all the way around.  

We have been asked that, if you must go into a public place, keep a 6 foot distance from other people.  SIX FEET y'all.  So, please don't be 2 inches behind me in a checkout line.  This has been an issue I've had a problem with looooong before this virus came along.  There is such a thing as personal space.  I will respect yours.  Please respect everyone's space and allow that six feet.

Ok, so sorry to be so ranty.  I did have to go inside a store on Friday, so I am still counting my 14 days since my last exposure to being too close to others. 

March 2020

So, if ya see me in line somewhere, be it in the next week, next month, next year into forever...

Please don't stand so close to me.  







*Note:  Please do not enter into debate with me in the comments.  This is MY blog and I can vent, rant and say whatever I want.  

Things Fall Apart...

 It's scientific.

My 50th year is going by too, too fast.

You'll never, ever hear me complain about getting older.  I've said it many times before, getting old is a privilege denied to many.  However, the EFFECTS of aging?  I will definitely complain.  Often.  Loudly. 

December 2019

First, I am getting jowly.  The jowls are apparent.  Which leads me to my second complaint:  Gravity.  Fuck you, gravity.  Pulling those jowls and other parts earthward.  Which leads me to my third complaint:  Difficulty losing weight.  I lost about 21 pounds in 2007, only to be told in 2009 that my chemo might cause me to gain up to 30 pounds.  I was all like, fuck that!  I ate my usual strict South Beach diet all through chemo.  Gained a little weight.  But not a whole bunch.  And promptly took it right back off.  And now, I've been not so strict in my diet, especially since moving home to Georgia.  Hey, what can I say, #hushpuppieshappen, right?  And cheese grits.  And fried seafood.  Anyway, thanks to the slower metabolism, and that asshole gravity, even if I DO take off this excess weight, my favorite jeans most likely still will not fit me well again because stuff isn't where it once was.  Ya know?

Damn!

Anyway, yeah, lots more gray hairs, and this crazy deep wrinkle between my eyebrows, as well as my inability to read my phone without readers reminds me that I am SO lucky to still be here, as I approach my 11th year, post diagnosis. 

So, yeah.  I'll be 51 in June, and 11 years out.  And I'm still very much afraid of the cancer coming back.  That's not going to change, as Shannen Doherty reminded us today.  As if we needed reminding. So sad for her.  For us all, really.

So, yeah.  This one's short, but it's part of what's been on my mind more and more as I continue to be privileged.