Soooooooo, gonna try to share some fresh, rambly words. Dunno how interesting they will be but my draft file has like 55 unfinished, re-working & rambling thoughts in it. Bout ready to just shit can the lot.
Any-ol-way.....I had my annual visit with my most awesome oncologist, Dr W last month. (Are y'all shocked that I stayed silent online about that? Yeah, me too.) I was a bit surprised that I actually got to see HIM, rather than his partner, since he called me in February to tell me personally, that he was leaving the practice, and that he will be working with IBM and this Watson Technology in Oncology and cancer Research. (Told ya my oncologist is the bomb!) So I was super thrilled to get the call a week prior to my appointment with the other partner oncologist, inviting me to see my Dr W!!!
And the visit was pretty typical...congrats on his new upcoming position, catch up chitty chat, an exam, declared that I'm still NED....and then he said a few things that kind of caught me off guard. First was an answer to O's question....could the radioactive iodine I had to take in 1997 for my Graves Disease have possibly caused my breast cancer..... And Dr W was like, well, I suppose it might have....it's definitely possible, but the radioactive iodine is mostly taken up into the thyroid, so can't really say yes or no. But maybe.
Ok, it had never even occurred to me that this may have played a role. And no, I'm not getting caught up in the whole "was it something I did/didn't do" blame game thing...not at all.
But then Dr W said something that has made me kind of uncomfortable and it's just been on my mind ever since. He said, basically, given that I'm nearing the 8 year mark, and all the surgeries and treatments I had, plus Herceptin for the full year, and the nature of the type of breast cancer I had, (ER neg / PR weakly 9% pos / HER2 pos) he feels I can pretty much rest assured that I'm "done with this". And that, unless I become symptomatic or feel the need, and as long as I keep doing my mammograms and annual physicals with good blood work results, it is entirely up to me if I wish to continue seeing an oncologist at all. Be it him or anyone else.
O looks at me and is all like "Doesn't that make you feel better?"
Dr W is very, very good and highly regarded in oncology. So I chime in with the typical, "Yeah, but you do still hear of metastasis happening even after 20 or more years of cancer freeness...I mean, I pretty much learn of it happening to someone almost every day! So, I can feel reasonably good, but it would be irresponsible for any doctor to tell a breast cancer patient they are 100% D.O.N.E. Right?"
Dr W agreed, that no, nothing is ever 100%, but he's pretty damn confident.
Even though he is leaving practicing daily, he is apparently still going to be around several times a month. I decided to go ahead and make another appointment for next year, and then if I don't feel the need for it, I'll just cancel it. But I did get a warm fuzzy when he told the schedule chick to put me down for next year, on the Friday with HIM! I know...I am a weirdo about my doctors...every single one of them. Well, except Dr C....
Anyway, yes we did go celebrate with the annual, much over priced Grey Goose Martini with bleu cheese olives. But does Dr W's confidence totally chase away "the fear" I still deal with?
Not. One. Bit.
(Maybe a little.)