Ok, so this is gonna be a bit ramblin probably....more of a musing I guess, as I approach my Three Year Cancer Free Anniversary.
So here we go. Immediately after clickin "Publish" on this post, I get a Facebook notification from one of the several breast cancer awareness/support/research/and-so-on-and-so-on-and-scooby-dooby-dooby groups I was subscribed to. And the information in that post just rattled me a little bit. I was gonna post a link here, but I don't wanna rattle anybody the way I was, so, just take my word for it. It was not the best info for me to come across at that moment. And so I very quickly unsubscribed from & unfollowed all of the above mentioned groups & blogs havin to do with breast cancer, except for just a couple where I know the person personally. Ya know?
Like, back in 2009 when I was diagnosed & began treatment, naturally I logged on to the Susan G Komen Discussion Forum in search of answers. And luckily I "met" a group of really wonderful ladies who were also relatively new, or right on schedule with me. I'm so glad I did that cause those ladies helped me so much with their experiences & to hear from some very long term survivors was really helpful too. And along the way I managed to follow lots of bc blogs, Facebook groups & such.
As recently as oooohhhh....6 months ago, as a result of havin had bc, I thought I wanted to go to work in the field...either go back to school & get trained to do something like mammograms or CT Scans...or maybe become a Licensed Counselor, or volunteer at a Chemo facility. I used to log on to the Komen Boards almost daily to try to answer questions & offer support for those newbies that came on there totally freakin out, just like I did in the beginning. And that was fine for me (& hopefully for those newbies) at the time.
I dunno exactly when I started to change my mind about stuff, or what happened. But somewhere along the way, I just decided I really didn't want that...to eat, sleep, live, breath, walk, talk bc anymore. I found I went on Komen less & less cause I just couldn't handle readin those posts anymore. I know there are some on there who have been on there for years & years, & they are SO helpful....but it's just not for me. Different Strokes For Different Folks...Oooh sha sha...
I'm aware of many great ladies who have managed to turn their bc into a book writing career, or had their blogs made into books, or went to work in the field. And those ladies are what inspired me to want that at one time too. But now I just want to live POST bc. Where it's not a part of my every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month. Ya know? I thought I wanted to work with bc all the time, like so many others, but realize I just can't. (I get that this post is redundant, because of the other post I mentioned earlier. But eh, this is where I'm at right now. And not everything that's goin on makes it into this blog, so......) It's always gonna be part of who I am now though.
I have a couple of friends who are also bc survivors who are doin a MUCH better job than me at achievin their new normal. And I don't think those that know me are all that surprised that I'm still wafflin between feelin like bc is what I'm goin through, & what I've been through.
Now I need to say that I'm SO glad to still be in touch with that group of ladies from the Komen Forum. I call them my "Komen Sisters". Yay Facebook! *waves at newly subscribed Komen Sisters* =) What we focus on together is the "New Normal". Whatever "normal" is. I'm obviously still lookin for it.
I need to find it.
I MUST find it.