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Tuesday, February 4, 2020

Things Fall Apart...

 It's scientific.

My 50th year is going by too, too fast.

You'll never, ever hear me complain about getting older.  I've said it many times before, getting old is a privilege denied to many.  However, the EFFECTS of aging?  I will definitely complain.  Often.  Loudly. 

December 2019
First, I am getting jowly.  The jowls are apparent.  Which leads me to my second complaint:  Gravity.  Fuck you, gravity.  Pulling those jowls and other parts earthward.  Which leads me to my third complaint:  Difficulty losing weight.  I lost about 21 pounds in 2007, only to be told in 2009 that my chemo might cause me to gain up to 30 pounds.  I was all like, fuck that!  I ate my usual strict South Beach diet all through chemo.  Gained a little weight.  But not a whole bunch.  And promptly took it right back off.  And now, I've been not so strict in my diet, especially since moving home to Georgia.  Hey, what can I say, #hushpuppieshappen, right?  And cheese grits.  And fried seafood.  Anyway, thanks to the slower metabolism, and that asshole gravity, even if I DO take off this excess weight, my favorite jeans most likely still will not fit me well again because stuff isn't where it once was.  Ya know?


Anyway, yeah, lots more gray hairs, and this crazy deep wrinkle between my eyebrows, as well as my inability to read my phone without readers reminds me that I am SO lucky to still be here, as I approach my 11th year, post diagnosis. 

So, yeah.  I'll be 51 in June, and 11 years out.  And I'm still very much afraid of the cancer coming back.  That's not going to change, as Shannen Doherty reminded us today.  As if we needed reminding. So sad for her.  For us all, really.

So, yeah.  This one's short, but it's part of what's been on my mind more and more as I continue to be privileged.