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Thursday, December 31, 2015

I Wasn't Born With Enough Middle Fingers....

Sept 2009
Fuck off fifteen. Yep, next to 2009, 2015 ranks right up there as one of the most shitastic years in my memory. 

I don't make New Year resolutions. Haven't for many years now. I'm not really sure what the hell happened this year, but nothing turned out to be what was expected. And maybe that's the problem. Expectations. So, no resolutions for me.

Yeah, our move to the east coast and back definitely was the big event of the year, and we are forever changed by it. Relationships are changed. I made a new friend. And I had something other than cancer to focus on for a change. 

The day after Christmas, we rode out the tornado outbreak here in Texas. Like, an EF3 tornado came within 2 miles of our house. And if you know me, you know I don't handle tornado warnings very well. It wasn't until I turned off the street from our neighborhood and saw with my own eyes, large, brick homes in rubble. Like piles of bricks and matchsticks, that I realized what a close call it was and how so very thankful I am to not be in that situation. So so sad that anyone has to deal with that and that there were some fatalities. And am motivated to help in any way we can. This is a close knit community, and people are coming together to help one another unlike anything I've ever seen before. It is soul warming.

Looking back at the year, I wish it had been as uneventful as last year. But I remain ever grateful that my health situation remains NED. This is my seventh New Year's Eve since diagnosis. And I really am thankful. I have a wonderful medical team of doctors that I credit with my being here to bitch about 2015 being not at all what I was expecting. Again, the problem of expectations.

So, 2015 has been a year of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. But is any year ever perfect? Well, I didn't have to do any active treatment for breast cancer, so, in spite of it all, it was a good year. Any year I'm not actively dealing with cancer, I deem to be a good one. And, please don't come down on me for having gripes about feeling like I'm more than done with this year. I pretty much hate 2015 almost as much as 2009. Just because I've so far survived cancer, doesn't require me to be happy and giddy for the rest of my forever. 

Truly, it wasn't all bad. I did learn so many things. So many lessons. And the new Star Wars movie came out and we were even contracted to do a spoof video. So that was kind of awesome.

I'm sorry this post isn't all happy, flowery, uplifting hopefulness. I am more than ready to give the single finger salute to the end of 2015. The best part of 2015 is that it's almost over. And for that, I am super excited. 


As every year, I want to thank you all for reading my rambles and musings. Though they were few this year. I thank you for your friendship. For caring about us.

Happy New Year! May 2016 be better to us all.


Thursday, December 24, 2015

So This Is Christmas...

December 2015
And what have you done?

Well, pretty much changed my life in just about every single way you can. The jury's still out on if it's for better or for worse. But change was totally needed. And change, we got a'plenty. 

Ah, but if you know me, you know I'm doing my best to enjoy each moment of each day as much as possible. Find something to smile about. Something to laugh at. Even if it's just at myself. 

I hope to have a post out of more substance for y'all before the end of the year. My 2015 wrap up post. I already have the title and some thoughts... 

I expect to return to writing more in the new year. I have started and abandoned so many posts this year. My Draft folder just gets bigger and bigger. But I do miss the therapy of it, so it will pick back up. I think I've just been feeling like I should keep my thoughts and opinions on certain people/places/things to myself. Like, who the hell cares about what I think anyway? Right? But then, why have a blog? So posts will be returning.

I hope everyone can find some enjoyment during this holiday season and get to do something just for yourself. Even if it's just to nap, loaf, watch movies, or go to big celebrations. 

Thank you for keeping up with us here and for reading my silly words. 


Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Nothing's Right, I'm Torn...

Yes. You were right. People who said not to move back to Georgia. Those who advised me that “You can never go home again”.  

You. Are. Correct. So, bask in the warm fuzzy of your correctness. But please refrain from telling me “I told you so.” 

The decision to move back home to my beloved Savannah, super near to my deeply loved mother, was so hard and scary for me. And likewise, the decision to go back from whence we came is absolutely gut wrenching. 

I have never felt so torn about anything in my life. So, the only reason you would have to say “I told you so”, would be a desire to cause me further pain. And if you do dare to say it to me anyway, get ready for a big, fat, GO FUCK YOURSELF from me. 

There are soooooooo many reasons this decision has been made. Most are far too personal for me to share here. Suffice it to say, as happy and sad as I am, all at the same time, I know in my gut it’s for the best. 

So, pray for us on the road. Again. It’s a long and scary drive. But drive it, we must. And we will.  

“Illusion never changed 
Into something real...”

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Tell Me, Who Are You?

Who, who...who, who....

15 Random Facts About Me

I'm always late to the party. But better late than never. I so enjoyed learning more about my friends in the bc blogosphere, so here we go with my own 15 Random Facts, as challenged by my blogger friend Nancy in her Blogger Challenge Post. Gonna have to dig deep to find 15 Facts about me. I don't think I'm all that interesting. 

1. I am an only child. And I am therefore, very spoiled. My mother spoiled me growing up, and my husband, O, picked up where she left off. I'm spoiled. And lucky.

2. I have worked as an electrician's assistant. I know how to build, lamp and hang the fluorescent lights that hang in Walmart. And also how to drive an electric scaffold. I also have been a boom mic operator in our video business. I like doing it, but sadly, lymph node surgery has made it kind of difficult to do for very long. 

3. I can sort of play the bass guitar. My technique is awful. I play by ear. I can play along with the entire Marilyn Manson Antichrist Superstar and also Type O Negative's Bloody Kisses. Yep. And some other various and assorted songs. 

4. I have also sang in a garage metal band. We called ourselves "80 Proof".  We practiced in a daycare after hours. We sucked. 'Nuff said.

5. Before joining my husband in our video production company, I was an Insurance Agent with Dallas County Farm Bureau. It only lasted about a year. I had worked in the insurance biz for many years and thought I would enjoy it more than I did. I was almost a Claims Adjuster. I probably would have enjoyed that more. 

6. I hate liver. Which is unfortunate, because O does love him some liver and onions. Thank goodness for cafeteria restaurants like Luby's who make a damn fine liver and onions I'm told. I also hate beets.

7. I enjoy cooking. I especially like to cook South Beach Diet friendly foods. Except when they don't turn out. Doncha just hate it when you read a recipe, everything sounds wonderful in it. And it is a bit of work to put it together. You spend all this time. And it just sucks. Tastes terrible. Yeah, it happens. Pizza delivery's on me. LOL!

8. I love to listen to the most heavy, hard core (insert proper descriptive here) metal music. And the music of my childhood...70's. And some 80's. And some Punk.

9. I have been to so many concerts, especially as a child. My mother was part of the management of the Savannah Civic Center for a big part of my childhood. I have been fortunate to see some top acts of the 80's like The Go-Go's & Flock of Seagulls, Ratt, Motley Crue, Alice Cooper, Styx, KISS, Foreigner, and even saw Barry Manilow in the round there. And so many more. I had one hell of a great backstage pass collection. And right about the time I was old enough to appreciate her connections, she left and changed careers. Guess she figured back stage at rock concerts was no place for a 16 year old. Ah well....

10. I do enjoy a nice martini. A nice Vodka martini with Grey Goose and Bleu Cheese Olives to be precise. But I also enjoy good whiskey. I probably enjoy these more than I should. And beer with crab legs. Please don't lecture me about the newest studies on alcohol and cancer. Thank you.

11. I am such a night owl. Who, who...who, who! Sorry...too corny. 

12. I tell corny jokes. They're really bad. *See #11 above.

13. I have more online friends than real world friends. There are people on my Facebook that I consider real and true friends, although we will probably never meet. I have some high powered, super intellectual and even famous friends on there too. I love them all. I believe we connect with certain people in cyberspace and they become part of our lives for a reason. Just like I believe people in the real world come and go from your life for a reason. 

14. I am very short. I was 4'11" for most of my teenage years, and then I grew to 5'1" somewhere along the way. I don't mind being short. Except when I can't reach things. 

15. I love crunchy, salty snacks. Not really into sweets, but chips are my weakness. Especially spicy ones. Like these Ruffles Hot Wing flavored chips. OMG. Or the Flamin Hot Fritos. Oh man I will wipe out a bag of these kinds of chips in a hurry. And popcorn. Love popcorn. Just learned that Orville R has POUR OVER Butter Microwave Popcorn. OMG. Microwave popcorn probably causes cancer. I know. I do not care.

And with that, I'm off to find me some chips. Or pop some corn.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Forever In Debt To Your Priceless Advice

You've just got to stay positive!

You beat cancer, so you can do anything!

Energy follows thought.

Stop talking/thinking/worrying about it so much. It's over with now.

Should you be drinking that cocktail?

After what you've faced, you shouldn't have any fears left!

Only eat organic.

Only eat alkaline.

You are never given more than you can handle.

Time to get back to normal.

Avoid stress.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Get started on your bucket list.

You should keep your hair short like that. You have the face for it.

Just be happy you beat it.

Everything happens for a reason.

Don't worry. It's gonna be ok.

Sometimes we just don't know what to say. And I'm guilty as fuck of saying a few of these myself.

Maybe you've seen these cards making the rounds on the interwebs. I so would have loved to receive one of these. And wish I had known about them so I could give them to others, to whom I've said the totally wrong thing. Even now, I'm pretty sure I'm saying some totally wrong things, even though I should absolutely know better at this point.

Image Credit: Emily McDowell Studio

Friday, July 3, 2015

Happy Trails

Goodbye Texas!

I am excited.  I am scared. I am going to miss so many people, places and things. And I'm not gonna get all mushy here with that. But to those we're gonna miss the most...y'all are the reason leaving is hard.  You know who you are... (Not all of y'all are pictured here either, cause apparently we didn't ever grab a selfie.)

Happy Trails to you....

Until we meet again...