I Wasn't Born With Enough Middle Fingers....

Sept 2009

Fuck off fifteen. Yep, next to 2009, 2015 ranks right up there as one of the most shitastic years in my memory. 

I don't make New Year resolutions. Haven't for many years now. I'm not really sure what the hell happened this year, but nothing turned out to be what was expected. And maybe that's the problem. Expectations. So, no resolutions for me.

Yeah, our move to the east coast and back definitely was the big event of the year, and we are forever changed by it. Relationships are changed. I made a new friend. And I had something other than cancer to focus on for a change. 

The day after Christmas, we rode out the tornado outbreak here in Texas. Like, an EF3 tornado came within 2 miles of our house. And if you know me, you know I don't handle tornado warnings very well. It wasn't until I turned off the street from our neighborhood and saw with my own eyes, large, brick homes in rubble. Like piles of bricks and matchsticks, that I realized what a close call it was and how so very thankful I am to not be in that situation. So so sad that anyone has to deal with that and that there were some fatalities. And am motivated to help in any way we can. This is a close knit community, and people are coming together to help one another unlike anything I've ever seen before. It is soul warming.

Looking back at the year, I wish it had been as uneventful as last year. But I remain ever grateful that my health situation remains NED. This is my seventh New Year's Eve since diagnosis. And I really am thankful. I have a wonderful medical team of doctors that I credit with my being here to bitch about 2015 being not at all what I was expecting. Again, the problem of expectations.

So, 2015 has been a year of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. But is any year ever perfect? Well, I didn't have to do any active treatment for breast cancer, so, in spite of it all, it was a good year. Any year I'm not actively dealing with cancer, I deem to be a good one. And, please don't come down on me for having gripes about feeling like I'm more than done with this year. I pretty much hate 2015 almost as much as 2009. Just because I've so far survived cancer, doesn't require me to be happy and giddy for the rest of my forever. 

Truly, it wasn't all bad. I did learn so many things. So many lessons. And the new Star Wars movie came out and we were even contracted to do a spoof video. So that was kind of awesome.


I'm sorry this post isn't all happy, flowery, uplifting hopefulness. I am more than ready to give the single finger salute to the end of 2015. The best part of 2015 is that it's almost over. And for that, I am super excited. 

But....

As every year, I want to thank you all for reading my rambles and musings. Though they were few this year. I thank you for your friendship. For caring about us.

Happy New Year! May 2016 be better to us all.

xx

Another Year Over...

And a new one just begun....

Farewell 2014!

I'm not sure why I felt so strongly about doing a post as we see 2014 end and 2015 begin. I'm really not.  For O and me, this year has just been, well... Nothing really excellent, but nothing really terrible either. In breastcancerland, that would translate to a most excellent year, actually. There was almost a major life change, which would have ticked off my biggest bucket list item, (another post for another time) but it wasn't meant to be.

This year was quite eventful though, with so many memorable moments.  We lost so many (too many) beloved entertainers, had heartbreaking airline disasters, and the whole Ebola thing. But we also saw the world dancing to "Happy" and the Ice Bucket Challenge sweep the interwebs, to name just a (tiny) few.

When I look back on my year, I guess I'm just grateful that my health situation remains "No Evidence of Disease" as far as the docs can tell. I have been NED for 5 1/2 years, and this is my 6th New Year's since being diagnosed. I am so grateful to still be here, apparently healthy. So my word of the year, as it has been the last 5, is still "grateful".

Not really doing any resolutions again this year. Maybe just be hopeful that we move closer and faster to the cure...to prevention...so no one has to be part of that 30%.

Really, more than anything, I think I  just wanted to take a moment, before 2014 draws to a close, to say Thank You for reading and keeping up with us here. Thank you for caring.  Thank you for your continued support, words of encouragement, comments and conversation.

I have high hopes for 2015. Not just for myself, but for all who have had to live with or had their lives touched by cancer.

So, thanks again...and see you next year!

You Say Goodbye, And I Say....

Hello? Hello, hello?

Yes, I'm still here.  I hope no one mistook my lack of posting to mean anything terrible, although for awhile there, I was kinda afraid of certain health issues.  So, let's jump right in...and here is your TMI warning.  Yes, we're gonna talk about lady-bits.  And their functions.  And the holidays.  And the New Year.  And the future of the blog.

Ok, Reader's Digest version: After being told I'm FIRMLY in menopause with blood FSH test of 128, the out of the blue visit from "Aunt Flo" after a four year absence, (well, except for a quick visit back in 2012) was just a bit more than surprising. Hel-LO!  Not being able to get the lovely vagi-sono the doc wanted done for three weeks...till AFTER all the holidays....yeah, made it just a bit anxiety filled.  And the fact that things got "super-crazy-ass-heavy-hfs-am-I-hemorrhaging-now-maybe-go-to-the-ER" kind of heavy on Christmas Day.....Yeah.  Full on panic attack.  But didn't go to the ER. Just calmed the fuck down.  

Then a couple of days later *poof*. Gone.  Nada.  Like nothing ever happened. 

Finally got the sono.  New FSH run.  They say they saw "follicles" & that I'm ovulating. (I have no idea if I'm even saying this correctly.)  And uterus looks fine.  FSH is still showing menopausal, but is now 80 down from 128.  They said it appears that things are "waking up" again.  And we'll run FSH again in March.  So chemopause is apparently temporary for some.  Not sure how I feel about that, but not knowing wtf for so long did kinda damper some of the holidays with paranoia. Of course it did, this is ME! LOL! 

We did manage to have some fun in spite of it.  We ate too much, stayed up too late, slept in late, Skyped some and def had holiday fun....just with little sprinkles of me being a total psychosomatic/hypochondriac freak. LOL!  

No New Year's Resolutions for me this year.  Not even gonna bother, cause I never ever keep them.  And as you can see, more and more time seems to pass between blog posts.  Which is a good thing I think, since I started this because of getting cancer and being bald n' shit.  And without those things to talk about, I just kinda don't think I'm interesting enough to continue to blog the boring regular life stuff like I once did. I figure, it's not like I'm a celeb or anything, so who really gives a shit? Right? 

Oh sure, I could do yet another blog about yet another episode of rudeness at the Chipotle...where the lovely church goers saved all four normal tables for their party, trickling in, therefore we were stuck at a high-top (I hate high-tops) and one of those nice, normal tables remained totally "free" when we finished our meal and were leaving.  Yeah, loved that. 

Anyway.... I even spoke with O about redesigning the banner for the blog, since the hair is basically back to normal and I'm no longer "growing my long hair back".  But then I'm like, Eh, wtf for?

So You Say Goodbye to seeing weekly posts of my cancer crap, and I Say Hello to more and more of a return to normalcy.  Well, as normal as you can feel having gone through bc, because I truly don't think anyone ever really fully recovers from it mentally.  But it is not part of my every minute of every single damn day's existence anymore. Although, I am, and apparently will forever be the hugest hypochondriac and master of psychosomatics, cause, well, you know, because of the very nature of bc, things could happen....things could go from great & perfect to scary as shit in a nanosecond. More on THAT oh so lovely topic in a future post. And no matter what, the blog will not disappear, cause I love that certain posts, especially this one, are apparently very very helpful to many.

Me being goofy on NYE

So, I'll still post here, as stuff happens, or if something really cool, or uncool, or stupid, or interesting, or awesome, or another rant about finding food fail happens. And I really hope my subscribers and my regular readers, and my Facebook Likers and even my lurkers will hang in here with me, cause you just never know. Ya know? =)

Happy New Year!! 





[Disclaimer: Yes, I am very aware that I love to link to other posts & apparently am in love with italics.]

Went To A Party Last Saturday Night...

Happy New Year!!! Sorry I'm a bit late.  I usually like to post either ON New Year's Eve, or New Year's Day...but it just wasn't to be.  Yeah, the party last Saturday could be to blame! LOL!

It wasn't exactly a New Year's Eve party...but kinda was a pre-New Year's Eve party / birthday party / family & long lost friends reunion kinda party.  It was really fun to see everyone again & party together.  Yeah, I kinda totally drank one too many cocktails.  But then after a day of layin around, I felt better, so yeah, it ain't no big thing. 

I will say this:  I'm totally glad to be done with 2012.  It definitely had it's ups & downs.  But I like a more UP year.  And I expect 2013 to be just that, now that it appears I will only have to see the scary type of doctors every 6 months.  Anyway, so farewell to 2012....as I flip through my calendar, I can see that it didn't totally suck.  And was very busy.  We produced & released a motion picture during the 1st part of the year, went to a great wedding, I got a new tattoo...but then did have a bc scare, some shitty side effects from Tamoxifen, & wasn't able to get with any of my family over the holidays, except for Skype.  Eh...could have been a whole lot worse of a year, but coulda been some better too.

Anyway...I didn't do so well with the resolutions I set for 2012, so not gonna make any for 2013.  It ain't no big thing.

Happy 2013 y'all! Yay!

Some Musings On This New Year's Eve

Well, another New Year's Eve....This year has gone by so fast.  And compared to the last 2 years, it's actually been pretty ok.  It did have it's moments...like with O's job issues & stuff....but for the most part, I'd say it was a pretty good year.  I'm like, any year that I'm still clear of cancer is a good year.  Any year I have hair on my head is a good year.

And I have made SEVERAL New Year's Resolutions.  One of which is to stop showing up at my Oncologist's office completely bat shit crazy freakin out.  So that's one of, like, 10 things I'll be doin differently in 2012. 

I look back on the year & I can see that I've made several new "online friends" this year.  And, even though I've never (& possibly will never) met them, I regard them as close as friends I have in the real world.  I think it's interesting when we "meet" people online & friendships form.  I think people are brought together for a reason.  And I'm so thankful for all my friends, both in the real world & in the cyber world too.  Y'all have all been a big part of helpin us through the bc ordeal. So thank you. SO much.

And to my family as well.  They are far away from where I live, so most of our interaction is online too.  (Thank you Mark Zuckerberg for your awesome creation) So, another Resolution: I am going to try my best to get over my unnatural fear of flying & get on an airplane home a LOT more often...I hope....depending on airline ticket prices of course.  Even though they are not close to me, their love & support is what I know got me to where I'm at today.  And it's what will keep me movin forward with a more positive outlook than I've had the last couple of years.  So thank y'all & I love y'all & hope to be seein y'all SOON.

And my hubs....not gonna do a bunch of mush & gush on here, but he knows totally how much I love & appreciate him.  And my family does too.  He had his fair share of crap to deal with this year, & I only hope I've helped him with things.

So anyway....goodbye 2011.  Was a pretty ok year I suppose.  2012 should be interesting. Bring it! 

Posted Dec 31, 2009 Goodbye 2009!

Goodbye 2009!

Posted Dec 31, 2009 6:28pm

So yeah, like most people I talk to, I'm MORE than ready to say goodbye to 2009! What a crappy year it's been, for so many people. 2009 can kiss my *ahem*...patootie! LOL!

Anyway, today, I got my bod all marked up so they can line up the radiation machine exactly the same every time. On Tuesday, I'll go in for just a run through, where they will use the marks on my body and do a bit of a "dry run" of a treatment, and then the Radiation will start on Wednesday. Got my Aloe Vera Gel ready. Lookin for a big ol Aloe Vera plant I can bring home & pinch from. Heard that really helps reduce the burn.

Then I went across the hall and got my Herceptin started and spoke with my chemo oncologist, Dr W. My MUGA scan looks not just good, but GREAT! My heart is functioning very well. MUGA scan measures the percent of blood the heart pumps out...it never pumps all the blood out. Anyway, he says any thing from 55% & up is normal. I'm in the GREAT range at 81%! YAY! =)

So I'm back to healthy eating, (kinda been treating myself since Thanksgiving) and back to rebuilding my stamina for the elliptical machine. Gotta start slowly and work back up. How I ever did 45 minute workouts on that thing, I dunno, but I hope to work back up to that.

So Good Riddance to 2009! 2010 WILL be better! I will complete "active treatment" in August 2010. =)

Happy New Year y'all! Hope you all have fun and safe celebrations. And thanks again so much for your thoughts and prayers, cards and well wishes and comments here. It really does help me, and I know it's working too! =)