Superstition Ain't The Way.......

Right.  So the 3 month appointment with my oncologist, Dr W is tomorrow.  And I'm (as usual) nervous.  But not as much as in the past.  I've been just "havin a feelin" that I've totally beat this bs.  That it's all gonna be good.  And at the same time, I'm all weirded out about goin into this appointment all confident & not a bundle of nerves like I usually am.  I think it's because, in my mind, goin in there anything less than bein all nervous means I'll probably get bad news.  So, if I go in there all typically nervous, I should hear the same thing I always hear. Right?  Cause I usually go in there all nervous, shakin in my shoes. And he always says everything looks good/great/beautiful. So I guess it's a bit of "expect the worst & hope for the best". Superstitious much?  Right. So how much of a nut job am I? Bein all weirded out about not bein all weirded out about this appointment.  

Or I'm just a headcase. 

Wish me luck!

I'm Tryin...

I have a meeting with my Oncologist, Dr W, in a couple of days.  He's probably gonna order a scan.  IF he does, it will be the first scan since the pre-chemo, post-surgery scans.  And I'm very nervous about it.  I'm tryin not to worry or be nervous.  But at this point in things, when you've had the surgeries, done the chemo, finished the radiation, finished the Herceptin, & you're basically DONE (except for 5 years of Tamoxifen)...I think it's normal to feel nervous.  I think I'll always feel nervous & stuff about scans for the rest of my life.  

Anyway...I haven't even had the appointment yet & I'm already being a fuckin weirdo.  Can't help it.