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| June 2009. About a week before D-Day. |
I can't believe four years have passed. I don't even really have a whole lot to say about it, but I just feel the need to remember it & several other days that have to do with it. D-Day...NED day...first & last chemo days....head shave day...
Why? Why do I mark these days on the calendar year after year? Only thing I can think of is that havin to go through the bc bs is hard.
Damn hard. And once you've had it, things are never, ever the same again.
I'm pretty sure O hopes there will someday be a time when I'm totally & finally done with all the cancer stuff. So do I. But I really don't think you're ever totally just DONE with it, once you've had it. I do know that it isn't so much the focus....like I no longer eat, sleep, breathe, walk & talk cancer 24/7 like I once did. But it's always there...looming. Like a dark cloud that just can't wait to strike like lightning....every single time I have the slightest ache or pain...or spot...or pimple...or pretty much anything. And pleeeeeease don't mention any symptom of anything at all to me. Ever. *Furrows brow in the direction of Dr's V, W & C & even F* Cause remember, I truly am THE Master of Psychosomatics. Yeah.
Eh, anyway....Four years later. And I'm Still Standing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
2 comments:
I look back and remember those crazy days. It's been long enough for me now that I think I would be surprised with a recurrence now. But I fully understand what you are going through now. I was the crazy lady back then. I don't know that I spent a lot of time thinking about the cancer coming back until it was time to have a check up. I did spend a lot of time pretending that I was a bad ass and living life on the edge. I guess so they could say she certainly didn't die of cancer, now did she. LOL You will slowly began to notice that things don't bother you as much as the years go by. Remember it's only been 4 years. You have a lot of years left to get used to the idea that you will be always a survivor. It's a great thing to be.
Thanks so much for always knowin the right encouraging things to say. I have def noticed " the fear" does seem less & less with the years, but still have those panicky feelings any time there is any sore area, or pain....even though bein 44 & postmenopause I should expect some aches & pains...esp after long shoots or horseplay with O. Yeah, I get the livin on the edge thing.....kinda wrappin that up too now LOL!! I love ya girl! xx
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