I, Hate Everything About...

This ad.

(The following is a short rant that's been boiling in my head for several weeks.  Apologies for the lack of cohesive thought here.)

This stupid ass thing has been clogging up my news feed on social media for weeks.  And I hate it.  I hate that, of course, she's wearing pink.  Hate the fist pump.  Hate the "warrior" triumphant facial expression.

Find. Treat. Live.  REALLY??? Mammograms do NOT save lives people!  Mammograms detect the presence, or lack thereof, cancer. Period.  And, if your 3D mammograms detects cancer, and it is stage IV.... Peace of mind?  

No. A 3D mammogram is NOT peace of mind.  Sure as hell wasn't for me my first time at the 3D rodeo.  Rather, it landed me straight in panic mode, as it detected something the radiologist wanted to have biopsied.  So, no.  It provided zero peace of mind.

I posted a comment on the ad stating these thoughts, amid all the "Yes it is" and "Getting mine next week" posts.  I even private messaged the page thinking...hoping for a reply and even removal of this stupid thing.  But no. I still see it.  Like, just now saw it and decided to come here and bitch about it.

And, when I do go to get my third 3D mammogram, every single damn employee and technician will have some sort of pink bullshit on their outfit or lab coat.  

So over it.  I'm also considering moving my mammogram to the first of the year, since it has somehow managed to land in Pinktober, rather than in September.

September 2016

Again, as in years past, I am reclaiming October for Halloween and spooky fun.  

The end.

It Ain't Me, Babe.

Well, yeah....it seems I'm still in a mood.  As Pinktober approaches, and I'm already seeing the world is awash with the shade of Pepto Bismol....makes me need a dose, actually. Pretty sure September is supposed to be teal, orange, green, blue...pretty much any color other than pink. 

Anyway, just a brief note, in case some of my newer readers haven't figured it out yet....I have come to despise the pink bullshit of breast cancer. Sick of it being made to look like a damn party. And I have blogged this thing to death. And probably gonna blog on it some more. 

And please don't try to tell me that I need to lighten up, and all this money is being raised...Puh-lease! Just unfollow... *Bye Felicia*

So, just know.. I am anti pink...if you came here looking for inspirational memes and posts full of "fight like a girl" and other powdery puffy pink puss-ass posts, you totally came to the wrong place...You won't see that shit here. No, no, no.

It Ain't Me, Babe.

And Every Day Is Halloween!

Goodbye Pinktober. Yet the pink crap hangs around. Sure the big displays on endcaps and in aisles will be packed away, but you can always find pink ribbon crap around in stores, all year long.  It makes a bit of a comeback in the spring also, for some reason. But I'm glad to see the end of the pink party. Buh-bye Pinktober!

I love Halloween. It's my favorite holiday. It's full of scary, spooky fun. But there is that "fear" that is part of my life, and I totally hate it. "The fear"....the bc fear. Fear of recurrence. Fear of metastasis. Fear of having to do it all over again, be bald, feel shitty, wonder if I'm gonna live through it. It sucks, but it's part of the "new normal" for most bc people. And sadly, so far, nothing from all that pink awareness has done anything to even begin to corrected that. 

Anyway... I appreciate (every day) that I am one who is so very fortunate that I can choose to not allow that effin fear be part of my day today. (So many are not. And no thanks to the pink awareness.) 

It's Halloween, I love it, and I'm going to enjoy it. 

And I'm going to try (harder) to make every day like Halloween...

Buh-bye Pinktober! 

Welcome To The Machine

Why Don't We Get Drunk And...

Raise money for breast cancer research? Really?

Wow...I'm seeing some really stupid fundraising for this Pinktober, but this sucks on several levels.

First, studies have recently shown alcohol to be a risk factor in breast cancer.  So yeah, probably not the best idea in the world to sell alcohol to raise money for bc research.

And also the sexualization of bc..."X-Rated Flirtini"...There's nothing sexy about bc.


I received this in the mail last week.  Pretty sure that LBBC has no idea they are being associated with this. I sent it to them to ask.  Haven't heard back. 

UPDATE: October 16, 2014 I received the following email from Living Beyond Breast Cancer:

"Dear Kimberly,

Sorry for the delay in responding.  Our gala is this Saturday and your email got buried in the general email box. 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns with us regarding Houlihan’s October promotion that benefits LBBC.  We are aware of this partnership and agreed to it, but we did not see or approve the advertisements.

Please know that we take into account the opinions of the people we serve and very much appreciate your input.  We will take your opinion into consideration as we evaluate future partnerships. 

Again, thanks for writing.

Sandy

Sandy Martin

Vice President of Advancement

Living Beyond Breast Cancer

354 West Lancaster Avenue

Suite 224

Haverford, PA 19041"

It's Not Enough...

This may be a bit of a ramble.....

BRCA testing. I don't think I like the idea of making BRCA testing mandatory, as has been in the news recently.  And no, I haven't read every article or every word or every blog about it. It was mentioned to me in 2010, that I might want to consider it. I am the only person in my entire family to have a cancer of any kind, that I'm aware of.  And I thought about it.  Did some research.  Here's what I decided.  I'm not going to take the test. I don't want or need to know.  Why? Because, just because a person tests Positive for the BRCA gene, it's not a guarantee that they will get breast cancer.  And if a person tests Negative for the BRCA gene, it's not a guarantee that they WON'T get breast cancer.  And I do understand there are no guarantees in life. But me being me, a positive BRCA result is going to wreck the entire rest of my life, even more so than bc has already, and then I'll have to consider whether or not to have all kinds of other surgery to remove this or that. When there's no way to actually KNOW for sure what's going to happen. It's not very scientific, but it's how it is for me. And It's Not Enough.

"It's haunting you from inside now..." 

So I'm better off just being vigilant with trying to stay as healthy as I can, and see my oncology team as recommended and treat whatever may come up, just as I did in 2009 - 2010.  So no, I don't want it to become mandatory testing.  I rather like having a choice.  

It's Not Enough to get your annual mammogram.  I hope you'll click this link and read this article.  Perhaps the mammogram isn't the "life saver" so many celebrity breast cancer survivors & others tout it to be.  When they say "A mammogram saved my life" or "I got lucky, now I'll live to see...."  while still so early on in or after treatment. How can they even KNOW that? Metastases just plain ol fucking happens...regardless of stage of diagnosis, regardless of treatment chosen.  It just appears to be random. The fucker. I'm not so sure I'm ever going to get another mammogram. It's Not Enough. 

And apparently the people around a survivor will sometimes grow weary of hearing about the anxiety that can unnerve us breast cancer people, especially when a doctor's appointment is coming up. Although they mean well and encourage us to "be positive, be happy, get on with the rest of your life! It's over now!" It's Not Enough to have "apparently" beat it.  Let me refer you to the link above.  

It's Not Enough to slap a pink ribbon on something, or turn something pink.  It's just not. Because all this pink is not really helping anything.  There is no more need to push awareness about breast cancer.  All this pink merch is doing is making money for the merch makers. Sure, some donations are being made, but how much really? And to what organizations? When you get asked at the cash register if you'd like to "donate to breast cancer", ask the cashier to which organizations the funds will be donated. (Like my friend AM did.)  I dare ya. Rather, why not make a cash donation to Stand Up To Cancer, an excellent organization that is working hard to fight ALL cancer.

And again, I get both sides of this pink issue.  I know that some, yes, even some stage 4 folks, love this pink time of year and proudly wear the ribbon, not just in October, but all year long.  They are reminded of how far they've come and are reminded to be thankful, so some have told me.  And then there are so many others who are just put off by it.  It's a terrible reminder of the fear...the pain....the uncertainty....just all around badness. 

But the Pink Machine is in full effect, making most believe it's just one big pink party...that it's all "Yay survivors" and "Yay for boobies" or tatas, or second base....(I actually like to refer to mine as boobies..just sayin.) No regard for those who are really living with and in treatment for the rest of their forever.

I think I'm going to once again start sporting the pink ribbon myself...It DEFINITELY gets attention, definitely sparks conversation.  May be the perfect opportunity to share my own brand of "awareness".  

What IS Enough? 

Find the CAUSE! Find the CURE! Find out how to PREVENT it!

It's not Enough
Broken in two
It's not Enough
Speaking the truth

Red And Yellow And Pink And Green....

...Purple and Orange and Blue....

Here's an idea....let's stop giving so much attention only to breast cancer.  How bout we focus on finding the cause, fund research and work to find cures for ALL cancers. 
Every Month. 
All Year.

Think Before You Pink.

My feelings on all this Pink in October have evolved quite a bit over the five years I've had to have the bc bs in my life. This year, my feelings on it are pretty much the same as they were last year. So here's a reblog of part of that post from Pretty In Pink.

Pretty In Pink

Nope.  No it's not.  October. Here we go again.  Pink bc awareness month. Seems that every single year, my thoughts change on how I feel about all this pinkness.  Last year I was just kinda "meh" about it.

This year I'm just over the pink this & pink that.  No, I'm not one to get all militant about pink ribbons & pink everything in October.  But I'm starting to see that it's just not fair.  WHY all this attention on bc?  Isn't every single damn part of your body able to get some sort of cancer? Why all the bc focus?  And why pink?

One thing I really have never understood is all this "Race for the Cure" stuff where you see ladies all decked in pink everything, complete with boas & tutus & tiaras.  I can't really understand how people appear to be all celebratory about bc awareness.  Believe me, the world is totally fuckin aware of bc. And before you come at me with the "they're celebrating survivors" stuff...I get that.  But at the same time, I kind of feel it's insensitive to those living with stage iv bc, & to the families of those taken by it.  Yes, when I first was diagnosed, I went to "Pink Out" things & did Relay for Life stuff...wore pink ribbons...but as I went through & continue to go through it, thoughts & feelings change, ya know? 

Now hear this: There is NOTHING Pretty In Pink about bc.  

So, September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month...where's their Teal Race? Or Leukemia's Orange Race?  And so on & so on....

But nooooo...let's just make a big ol fuckin party about bc.  Why?  Cause it's BOOBS? Everybody likes to look at boobies, right?

Well, I'm sorry that maybe you don't find a Pancreas as pretty as Boobies, but I sure would like to see even HALF the attention given to bc, shared with funding research for pancreatic cancer...or colon cancer, or....What, colons not cute enough for ya? 

Let's not forget that there are all kinds of fucked up cancers out there, ok? (Is there any other kind? I think not.)

...Please don't misunderstand me.  I don't have issues with those who like the pink ribbon. I am not offended by the pink ribbon. I'm VERY honored when someone tells me they participated in a Pink *this or that* thinking of me or in my honor.  Love love love that.  And thank you so so so much.   

Just think before you pink. Seriously, the majority of this pink ribbon branded merch only donates the tiniest portion to bc research, if anything at all....

________________________________________________________

Let's take back October for spooky Halloween fun, cooler temps, sweaters and any and everything NOT to do with bc. 

Pretty In Pink....

Nope.  No it's not.  October. Here we go again.  Pink bc awareness month. Seems that every single year, my thoughts change on how I feel about all this pinkness.  Last year I was just kinda "meh" about it.

This year I'm just over the pink this & pink that.  No, I'm not one to get all militant about pink ribbons & pink everything in October.  But I'm starting to see that it's  just not fair.  WHY all this attention on bc?  Isn't every single damn part of your body able to get some sort of cancer? Why all the bc focus?  And why pink?

One thing I really have never understood is all this "Race for the Cure" stuff where you see ladies all decked in pink everything, complete with boas & tutus & tiaras.  I can't really understand how people appear to be all celebratory about bc awareness.  Believe me, the world is totally fuckin aware of bc. And before you come at me with the "they're celebrating survivors" stuff...I get that.  But at the same time, I kind of feel it's insensitive to those living with stage iv bc, & to the families of those taken by it.  Yes, when I first was diagnosed, I went to "Pink Out" things & did Relay for Life stuff...wore pink ribbons...but as I went through & continue to go through it, thoughts & feelings change, ya know? 

Now hear this: There is NOTHING Pretty In Pink about bc.  

So, September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month...where's their Teal Race? Or Leukemia's Orange Race?  And so on & so on....

But nooooo...let's just make a big ol fuckin party about bc.  Why?  Cause it's BOOBS? Everybody likes to look at boobies, right?

Well, I'm sorry that maybe you don't find a Pancreas as pretty as Boobies, but I sure would like to see even HALF the attention given to bc, shared with funding research for pancreatic cancer...or colon cancer, or....What, colons not cute enough for ya? 

Let's not forget that there are all kinds of fucked up cancers out there, ok? (Is there any other kind? I think not.)

I don't love that Fall now includes a visit to the oncologist. I love the fall.  Every year I start looking in certain craft stores as early as July for the first Halloween deco fun things.  And I always find them.  But now, even though I do still love the fall, it has been tainted a bit for me. Although I was diagnosed in the summer, the shit really started hitting the fan as fall approached. Chemo started in August. Head was shaved in September. And that, as y'all all know, was really the hardest part....so now, even as I can feel the seasons changing, I'm also kinda ill feeling too, since September is now one of the months of my bi-annual Six Month Oncology Tours.  

And yes, I do have a pink ribbon on my car.  Some bc people still like it.  And maybe it'll get me out of a speeding ticket one day.  Now I mostly keep it there to help me find the damn car in a parking lot.

Please don't misunderstand me.  I don't have issues with those who like the pink ribbon. I am not offended by the pink ribbon.   I'm VERY honored when someone tells me they participated in a Pink *this or that* thinking of me or in my honor.  Love love love that.  And thank you so so so much.   

Just think before you pink. Seriously, the majority of this pink ribbon branded merch only donates the tiniest portion to bc research, if anything at all.

*******************************************************************************************

Ok, topic change...I made it through the Autumn Oncology Tour with flying colors.  Dr W said that if all is still well in March, he'll release me to annual Oncologist visits.  Dr V went ahead & released me to annual visits following my annual mammograms...& as I type, I'm waiting on the results of my blood work, drawn this morning at my annual physical..plus flu shot.  And my arm hurts...like it wants to fall off hurt.  But it's worth it.  

Ok, so that's it for now...Think Before You Pink.