It's Just A Jump To The Left....

Or a hop. A Time Hop.

Gonna ramble around a bit here....

My love / hate thing with Facebook and Social Media is ever evolving more toward the hate side of things.

One of the last times before I knew I had cancer
June 2009

My Time Hop App and the "Memories On Facebook" thing is becoming very difficult for me. Two terrible things are looming if I continue to open the App or look at Facebook...a cancer diagnosis, and the epic fail of an attempt to move to the east coast to improve our life.

I really don't have a whole lot to say on the subject, other than, it's very hard for me to be reminded, by seeing actual posts and comments from my Facebook, on how life was b.c. 
Before cancer. 
Even now at seven years out.

I keep thinking I'll turn the "Memories" thing off on Facebook. Can you even do that? (Ooooh, just learned it has filters that will filter out people or dates of your choosing!) And that I'll just delete Time Hop from my phone for a few months. But then I don't. I look. It's like, I have to. Like when people pass a bad car accident. You look to see what carnage is there, and then sometimes wish you could unsee what you just saw.

And I think I'm that way with these stupid apps. I have to try to remember the feelings. 

I don't know why. 

But then, I've kind of always been this way, even before technology took over our lives. I always have kept a pretty detailed wall calendar & will, from time to time, go back through them & just remember when.

I know why there wasn't anything in there from this day in 2009, that's for sure.

On this day in 2009 (June 24 at the time of my typing this), I was having an ultrasound of my breast and being told to come back tomorrow for a biopsy. 

And Time Hop or no, I will not, can not, forget it. It's stuck in my brain like it was yesterday. Why can't chemo brain lose that memory for me?

Anyway...just a rambling musing. 

Let's (not) do the Time Warp again!

But I Still Love Technology...

I have a real love / hate relationship with technology.  There are so many things I love about it, like the invention of social media.  It really is a bridge across the miles for me.  Especially Video Conferencing things like Skype & FaceTime. Love love love that.  

As much as I love the things we can now see and do with Technology, like, not having to be chained to a desk eight hours a day to get work done, there are things I seriously dislike.  Among those....texting.  Well, I guess that's a love / hate thing too...I do like to send a quick text, when, back in the day, I would have had to pick up the phone, make a call and possibly lose 15 -30 minutes, when all I really need is a Yes or No answer to a question.  And I also enjoy texting over phone convo most times, depending on the person or timing.  But then, by using Text, we are missing out on HUMAN contact. I adore human contact. It's definitely on the decline.  I miss it.  

One thing that's more than a bit annoying (and yes, I have done this too, but have, in the last year or so, tried hard to not do this) is when people are actively texting with someone else, just type-type-typing away, and simultaneously attempting to have a conversation with you, like, right there in front of you. I'm not talking about a quick "Yes" or "No" text reply to someone. Or even responding to an urgent text...but at least say something like "Hang on, I need to reply to this really quick..."  I don't mind waiting. I really don't. (And if you catch me doing this, please say something, cause I don't want to be that person, ya know?)

A glaring downside of Technology is this: we are approaching a state of accepting "just good enough" over excellence in certain areas.  An example: video production....video footage and video projects just (apparently) don't have to look good anymore.  Increasingly, so many people just simply can't tell the difference between a professional final product - one shot and edited by a passionate, talented producer, over amateur work. So "good enough" is winning out, and it's probably more to do with financial issues than desire for talent. And this is all I'm going to say on this topic.  That is a much bigger rant for another time.

I must admit though, Technology has  been especially helpful to me since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. While I do appreciate having lived and very well remember a time before the internet and mobile phones, I am crazy-thankful to have had access to Technology and Social Media outlets during that devastating time in 2009.  Because of Technology and Social Media, I was able to reach out to others who have gone through breast cancer, ask questions, get advice, bounce ideas, and cry on their cyber shoulders.  I have "met" so many amazing people online, some I now consider to be among my closest and dearest friends. And not just breast cancer people. I believe we come across people and connect with some in the online world for a reason.  Pretty sure I may never meet these dear ones in person, but I am so thankful for every single one of them.  

And Technology in medicine. While there is still so far we have yet to go to find a cure for breast cancer and ALL cancer, I'm alive today because of one medication, Herceptin, that wasn't yet FDA approved as recently as even 20 years ago. I also benefited from newish techniques in locating the tumor, and in administering radiation, I'm told. And probably so many more areas that I'm not aware of. Oh, and more cancer vaccines are beginning to appear on the horizon, and better treatments through immunotherapy too. So YAY Technology! 

This blog.  Another positive I owe to Technology.  This blog started out as a way for me to market things I was selling online.  And it fell off after diagnosis.  Then I started a CarePage. And then moved all that content over to here.  I needed a way to keep family and friends apprised of my status as I went through surgeries, chemo, radiation, Herceptin, hair loss, hair growth, and just stuff. And now, it's a place for me to rant, vent, muse, and ramble...

Yeah, I'm rambling now....Anyway, love it or hate it, Technology keeps on moving, changing, evolving. 

I love it.  And I hate it. 

Everybody Hurts...

Sometimes. 

And sometimes we have knee jerk reactions in response to that hurt.  And sometimes we regret it and correct it.  And sometimes, we don't. 

So it's been a tough week or so around here.  No, nothing to do with my bc, but it was enough to send me running totally away from the internet and online activities.  Most people who know me, know that I live way too far away from my family than I'd like. Like 1,000 miles.  And most people know how much I've loved technology and most especially Facebook and Skype for really helping to bridge those miles and make being so far away easier.  Well, sometimes not easier...sometimes it's bittersweet.

Anyway....just had a whole bunch of emotional stuff collide all within about a week - a big life change that was well under way that came to a screeching halt, loss of a family member and seeing how it affected my mother, missing my family, and pretty much just wishing we could make the impossible happen, plus some sad, sad things in the news, and I was just on major emotional overload. So I took to Facebook and declared I was going off the grid for a bit. Yeah. That lasted less than a week. For all the things I have been not so much loving about social media lately, there were many more things I missed about staying connected with so many people I care about and who care about me back. 

During those few days I avoided the internet (and even the news), I did enjoy not having my heart yanked from one emotion to another.  And I reflected on lots of things...especially as I approach those bc anniversaries that I continue to recognize, year after year. (Times FIVE this year, btw.) 

Do I look pensive? I am.

I'm feeling much, much better about most things.  But some things I'm not gonna feel better about until I can finally do something to change the things.

So hold on, hold on.......

Isn't It Ironic?

Oh irony!  I just love it sometimes.  Lately I'm seeing a few posts on Facebook about how terrible/awful/evil social networking sites are.  About how people are losing grip on real life and spending so much time on these sites that they have become terrible/awful/evil people.  Wow. "Evil"?? Really?  I even read a thread where someone said money is no longer the root of all evil, but social networking sites are. Then a looooooong thread of posts followed discussing how sick it makes one person to see Likes on a post less than 30 seconds after posting it and that this person just has no use for Facebook and there are so many better things they would be and are doing instead of sitting on Facebook. 

Except: YOU ARE POSTING THIS ON FACEBOOK! And looking at the thread, you've come back to it several times and have spent quite a bit of time there discussing how you refuse to spend time there. Oh irony! 

Yep.  I love Facebook.  Especially when it's used the way it was intended.  I don't love how some people use it as a means to hurt others feelings, or make someone feel less than or post "dirty laundry", or in any hurtful way.  But that's not a reflection of social networking, or Facebook...rather, I think it speaks to the quality of person who use these sites in this manner.  

And what did y'all think about Mark Zuckerberg's gift to users on Facebook's Tenth Birthday? That "Look Back" video...I loved it.  Genius!  I also loved that it was editible...cause...well, y'know....

Oh I'm getting off topic here....Irony.  How often do you see irony and just have to laugh? Like that rude, aggressive driver...whipping in and out of traffic, who just blew past me, honked the horn and flipped me off.  Back bumper of her car has a Jesus fish and three bumper stickers with Bible verses and an ad for (I guess) the church she attends.  

A little too ironic...and yeah I really do think...

It's In The Way That You Use It....

Social Media...Technology....Internet....Blogs...

They can all be really awesome, wonderful things.  They can also be terrible, shitty things.  It's in the way that you use it.  

I've experienced both. I like to use them for good, positive & information stuff. Like this....to let y'all know that I survived the mammo.  All clear.  This knowledge should make me a little less stressy when I go see Dr's W & V at the end of this week. We'll see.  Or I can totally disregard this knowlege since the 2009 mammo missed the stage 3 bc, & be a typical, total freak. Right now I'm feeling pretty calm & confident. It comes & it goes.

And the Fall Candy is in the house, so, just in time for the Autumnal Equinox, the fabulous fall season is officially in full swing.  Yay!

 

Thanks for checking in on us.  Will let ya know how the last two appointments of the Autumn Oncology Tour go.

xx

If You're Happy & You Know It....

Photo Credit: Grumpy Cat

Hahahaaa! I just love this kitty! And memes with this grumpy little face are just sweepin the interwebs!  She even has her own website, Facebook & Twitter! Such a cute kitty! But she sure does look pissed off! LOL!  Anyway....this & some posts on Facebook & Twitter got me thinkin.  You see stuff all the time online about how you should be happy no matter what.  That it's totally up to you to feel happy... Things like "You have the power to create your own happiness!!"... "If you don't like something about your life, CHANGE IT!"..."True happiness is to enjoy the present"...."Why be mad or sad when we can be happy instead?"..."I am in charge of how I feel & today I choose to be happy"..."YOU make sure you have a good day!". You know....that stuff.  And I'm sure y'all all know that I have a good answer for each one of those quotes as to why I may NOT feel happy, even if that was my choice....my druthers, my desire for every day for the rest of my life.  Right?

I do get why people post this stuff.  They mean no harm at all.  They are usually super happy, smiley, ever cheerful people themselves, who are just lovin life SO much that they only want that for you as well.  Because they love you.  They love life.  They want you to love life right there with them.

But really it's not always possible to CHOOSE to be happy, is it?  I guess it is for some.  I'm sure somewhere, at some time there was SOMEONE who got a terrible, life threatening diagnosis & it totally didn't piss on their parade.  Right? I've yet to MEET that person.  Or maybe I have. I dunno.

O & I were talkin about this sort of stuff the other day, and we came to the conclusion that, the majority of people who appear to be all Happy Happy Joy Joy, like ALL the time, have never had to face their own mortality or be concerned about where they & their family will sleep that night, or any stuff equally as terrifying. OR, the exact opposite is true.  They are miserable, unhappy & just trying to find their way back to happy with these lovely affirmations.

I don't have issues anymore with seeing these quotes & stuff everywhere, really, so please don't think that's what this post is tryin to say...at all.  I'm just sayin...folks, try to keep in mind that for some, Happy may just have to be put on hold for a bit.  Could be a few hours, days, weeks....maybe even months or years.  Some will never be happy again.  I, thankfully, am not one of those people.  I have found my way back to happy.  For the most part.  I could be way happier, too.  But I can tell you this.  There was a good long stretch of time that seein that stuff posted in my news feeds had the exact opposite effect for me. 

Not sayin anybody should change anything about what they say or do, or post online, or feel or whatever.  Just another random musing....thoughts...

I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin.

It's The Final Countdown...

Election 2012 is in the final hours.  We're gonna know who will be the next POTUS this week.  And either way it goes, I have a feeling it won't be the end of the utter & complete bullshit I'm seeing all over the intergoogles. And we're seeing our freinds, family, other people we know, or thought we knew, in a whole different light. Thanks to social media like Facebook & Twitter, we are learning so much more about each other. Especially in the last few months of this Election Year.  I'm hearing of people unfriending people on Facebook cause they post political views & opinions that differ from theirs.  Blockin people on Twitter.  Gettin into all out Facebook fights.  There was even a story on CNN about it.

Really?
 
And is somebody else's Facebook Profile Page really the place to have your Political Rant/Tantrum? Most of the time I will refrain from posting anything on my Facebook or Twitter that indicates which way I lean politically.  I also don't get into religious discussions on social media.  Occasionally I will share a humorous post or picture that has to do with politics.  But it's because I think it's funny.  Like this humorous riff on Dr Seuss' Green Eggs & Ham.  Or these others that I'm sure both candidates would find pretty damn funny.

So let's stop with all the asshattery.  Let's use a little social media etiquette, shall we?  I will not delete anyone from my Facebook over political posts (on my page or their own)...or religious posts...or foul language...(I mean, why the fuck would I fuckin do that?) That's just not my way. I'll just come over here & bitch blog about it.  Cool?

 

*steps down off soapbox*





Witch-ay woman

Ok, so hope everyone had a Happy Halloween! We went to have some fajitas & then came home & handed out candy.  I did not dress up, but did wear a hat.  

And here we are in November.  Time for the annual "turkey anxiety". =)

Ch-ch-ch Changes......

Soooooooo, Zuckerberg & Co have made major changes to Facebook.  And at first I was pretty irritated about it.  BUT...after spending some time learning about the new features, I actually like it.  What surprises me is that the public's outcry for "old Facebook" has actually made the news...both internet news & broadcast too.  


Really?  


C'mon now! Give it a chance.  And to those of you who want to continually lament & cry & demand FB go back to how it was...

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That....

So, yeah.  I'm comin outta the closet! #NotLikeThat! LOL! Comin outta the "cancer closet" on my Facebook.  Yeah, I had posted a Note on there where I directed folks to the CarePage (& now this blog) for all the cancer convo.  Keep Facebook a "happy place".  Well, now that I'm almost 2 years out from the cancer road through Hell, I figured, why NOT share with my Facebook friends? And Twitter friends.  If I'm willing to blog all this out to the world & have total strangers read about it (*waves at faithful readers in the UK*), then why would I not be open about it with people I actually KNOW?  Ya know?  So I went ahead & shared my mohawk pics on there, & made public some photos from my 1st chemo.

I mean, why NOT be one of those "loud & proud" survivors?! Having had cancer is a PART of who I am now.   The new & improved LunaTechChick. =)

So yeah, I'm officially out of the closet.  Not that there's anything wrong with that. ;)