Hello It's Me...

 Hello, it’s me.

Does that conjure Adele for you, or Todd Rundgren?  Or maybe Dave Mustaine’s voice even?

But is it me?  Seems like I’m experiencing some physical changes lately that are annoying and causing me to not feel like me.  Hair texture is changing, eye hair is leaving, gravity is pulling things down and my skin is being weird.  But I guess that's just how it is in middle age.  As always, I’m grateful for even reaching middle age, but really not a fan of the effects.  Just sayin’.   

So I haven’t blogged in forever.  Well, for a year and a half as I type this.  Not much happening with cancer and that’s a really great thing.  Except for this:  Got my clear mammogram at a great new facility where the waiting room chairs are massage chairs, the robes are warmed and then you talk to the radiologist and he shows you the images. He recommended something I’ve never been told before.  He told me I should be having annual MRIs in addition to the mammo.  He told me it was the recommendation of the American College of Radiology for people like me.  People who were diagnosed with breast cancer before the age of 50 and in my case, due to the location of the tumor.  Mine was waaaayyyy back there like, really close to the armpit.  It’s loads of fun loading my scar into the mammogram machine, lemme tell ya.

Anyway, I have never, ever, through all the cancer stuff, ever had an MRI.  Ever.  I’ve had plenty of CT scans and X-rays, but never an MRI or even a PET scan.  And although it’s just a recommendation, an MRI has indeed been ordered.  I do love that the radiologist told me that “nothing at all has changed in 14 years”.  So, while I had that familiar feeling of relief, I am honestly nervous AF about this MRI.  Not just the procedure, but then the waiting and then the result.  What if it detects a reoccurrence, metastasis or even another kind of cancer?  And then there's the possibility that our health insurance won't cover it until our deductible is met. It's never met which is good news, but not so good for needing additional procedures.  So if / when they deny it, then what?  Do I just decide that it's good enough that the mammo is clear and the radiologist says all seems well?  I just might. 

So what’s been up with us over the last couple of years?  

I did do a few blog posts during the early part of the pandemic.  We cooked a whole lot during quarantine, which was fun since O and I love to cook.  We discovered we love the Instant Pot and air fryers.  We got into indoor gardening with the Aerogarden and started growing our own herbs and heirloom cherry tomatoes.  Love that.  

We took all 5 Moderna COVID-19 vaccines and boosters and have been happy to feel more confident to not wear masks in public places.  When I look back on the posts I did during the onset of the pandemic and quarantine, all those scary feelings come rushing back.  

What else....

May 2022

We renovated a great old house and made it our home and we just love it.  We’re closer to civilization and the family and that’s really nice.  We did as much as we could ourselves and contracted out things we knew better than to attempt ourselves.    The first thing we did was tear out the kitchen for a complete overhaul of every thing.  It's a totally different space now, as is pretty much the whole house and it's awesome!  The whole interior renovation took from May through October last year and exterior repairs and improvements continue and will continue probably forever.  So yes, that means we moved again.  I think that makes 5 moves in 7 years.  After having lived in the same home for 13 years.  
May this be the last one.

So yeah, pretty much just been renovating and moving.  Driving 50 minutes from where we were living to the renovation, working hard and then having to drive the 50 minutes back, most times in the dark, meant once again, there were issues with getting something to eat.  Cause cooking sure wasn’t happening much during that 5 month period.  Long-time readers probably remember the food fail posts.  It continues.  

O and I celebrated 22 years of marriage last month.  I am SO thankful to have him in my life. 

March 2023

 

Hello it's me...

I'll be 14 years NED in July, providing an MRI (IF I get it) doesn't say otherwise and as I'm approaching 14 years out from the cancer diagnoses, I'm so thankful for so much and for all of you...Friends, family, readers, followers, fellow blogger-friends and the online friends too (y'all know who you are).  Without all of y'all, I really don't know how we would have gotten through, not just the cancer, but the last several years of super scary uncertainty.  

Thank you.  

Love to all.  

So Cold Cold Cold!

Reynaud's Disease.  Apparently, I haz it.  I can't even believe it's taken me several years to finally consult with Dr. Google & figure out why it seems like my feet are like ice blocks much of the time and why my hands get so cold that my fingers go white.  Sometimes, creepy white.  It's not only when I am in a chilly environment either.  If I am experiencing high stress or anxiety, I notice that my fingers get super cold, even toes will get numb feeling.  And when this happened during a stressful and anxiety causing conversation recently, I finally looked it up and learned about Reynaud's Disease, or Syndrome, or Phenomenon.  Eh, cold hands, warm heart, right?  I don't know if it's a long term side effect from the chemo.  I have found some articles online that indicate it might be, but I didn't see any of the drugs I was given listed as known to cause it.  And really, I may have been experiencing this, especially in my toes, even before having cancer.  So there's that...

So anyway....  Haven't had a whole lot to report, which, on a cancer blog is a good thing.  I can say that my mammogram in November was still clear and my labs from my physical in December still look normal.  So in June, when it will definitly NOT be cold here, I will be 12 years NED.  

It's been really hard to even want to write (again) anything for ages it seems.  Thanks to the pandemic, and avoiding people, and cooking most of our meals, and then the political climate as of late...just seemed better to just be quiet.  On the plus side, the vaccines for COVID-19 are rolling out more and more.  We just gotta hang in there a bit longer.  We've been at this a long time now...  I remember a blog I did where I mentioned how my life was now divided into two parts, bc and ad....  

And now it's divided again.  BC - Before COVID.  

The last two weeks here have been so rainy.  Fog, mist, rain, thunderstorms.  And now our friends and family in Texas are dealing with a major winter storm situation, complete with lots of snow and rolling blackouts during record breaking low temps.  Y'all stay safe and warm.  

Mask up y'all!

So, yeah, just felt like I wanted to do a post to just say that I now feel like I know why I'm cold a lot of the time.  And to say I'm still NED, as far as anyone can tell.  

And I miss normal life.  I know you do too.  I never, ever imagined this is what real life would look like.  

Hang in there all.  I know there's warm light at the end of the tunnel.  

I'm Empty And Aching...

 And I don't know why.  

When I look back on the holidays last year, there was so much hope.  So much promise for 2020.  We rang in the new year with so much excitement.

September 2020

Now look.  Just look.  This year has been one major shitshow.  It was bad enough to have a pandemic.  But to also have an election year go so scary, crazy badly.  And losing RBG.  Bless her.  I know she hung in there as long as she could.  

Did you watch that first debate between Trump and Biden?  I did.  What a shitshow.  By the end of it I felt physically exhaused and emotionally empty. 

Not gonna lie.  I.  Am.  Terrified.  The way this election is going and the way this new Supreme Court Justice is going to get super-duper fasttracked on the Court.

Regardless of which side you are on politically, if you have any, and I do mean ANY preexisting condition in your health, you should be, at the very least, mildly frightened too.  Whether or not you are insured through the Affordable Care Act, or privately, or through your place of employment, coverage for those preexisting conditons is very likely to go bye-bye.  (The only work around would be if you developed a condition while insured and remain insured with no lapse of coverage.)

If you've had a COVID-19 diagnosis, you now have a preexisting condition.

I remember being privately insured during an era when preexisting conditions were not covered.  Any and everything to do with my thyroid was completely my responsibility.  It was expensive and it was awful.  I have enjoyed having my thyroid meds covered and anything that may arise regarding my cancer will also be covered.  For now, at least.  

Scary, scary times these be.  What in the world has happened to our country?  I don't even recognize it anymore.  Where is logic?  Where is decorum?  I'm being told to prepare.  Be ready for civil war.  Civil unrest.  

I know Mr. Trump keeps preaching that he will keep coverage for preexisting conditions.  While he's actively engaged in a lawsuit, as you read these words, to completely overturn the Affordable Care Act?  Believe him?  I've got some real estate here in my bag.  

I just can't even with this guy.

October kicks off the holidy season for us.  We have already mailed in our Absentee Ballots.  We will find ways to entertain ourselves, socially distanced, of course.  We will go out and find beauty to look at. 

I will still be entertained by the simplest of things.  I will still enjoy taking photos of food and flowers.  I will still run outside and look at the moon, stars and planets.  

I've gone to look for America.

**EDIT** It is now being reported that the President & First Lady are now positive for COVID-19.  My immediate thought was that it's not even true.  That it's just another distraction tactic to get out of another debate and/or to garner sympathy votes.  Isn't that a sad state of affairs, when we don't believe our President?

**EDIT #2**  It is now being reported that the president has been taken to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center for treatment of COVID-19. 

From A Distance

Just a brief batch of fresh words during a very sad and scary time for us all.  Please, everyone, heed the advice and recommendations to stay at home if you possibly can.  

I hope all of you are well.  I will admit, I am scared.  I am hyper-aware of how I'm feeling, breathing, throat, lungs... Y'all know how I am.  I think there is still so much not known about this thing.

There are so many Social Distancing Guidelines and Shelter In Place Orders that I expect will continue longer than these initial orders.  I wonder how long before things will go back to normal.  If ever.  I've wondered this before, of course.  But this is not just me.  This is all of us.  

I just wanted to share some thoughts on how this COVID-19 is making me feel.  And I just wanted to tell y'all, friends and family near and far... I'm thinking about you and sending love to you all...

From a distance. 

Tybee Sunset - Kimberly Oliver - Copyright 2020©